I can tell by the look on your face that you're not going to be of any help to me today

You really need to brush up on your Rambo trivia.

Steve, you should come look at these sandwich pictures.

I don't want to chase the red sweater. I just want to buy the red sweater.

Those weren't professional quality mustaches.

Helvetica Light makes me think you're lying.

Is that horse wearing shorts?

I just keep making ears by accident.

Your sweat smells like Dolce & Gabbana.

I'm thinking like four, maybe five steps ahead of you.

...And that is why you don't wear sandals to Blossom.

Knowledge is of no interest to me.

That's why I don't eat it out of a can; I eat it out of a bag.

The wild cheeses grow aplenty here.

You do seem like the type of guy who'd drink pickle juice.

Are pigs becoming extinct?

In Belgium, there's a tax for things that are too multitasky.

You reach into your heart and pull out a potholder.

They'll do anything for a ribbon and a hamburger.

This knob makes me want to get drunk.

I'm sorry I'm not a sock connoisseur.

I don't think real cowboys have to do this much ironing.

Facebook's telling me I'm fat.

Is this the collective smell of humanity?

Was that Rod Stewart?

Those stupid little pickles.

Well, we have mustaches upstairs.

It's like a pair of pants, for your car.

I am the ghost of Tractor Supply Company. (spooky voice)

You wanna do hot dogs Friday?

Is hot dog one word or two?

How much bread would it take to feed a scorpion for a week?

How do you get DNA from dead Elvis?

I was working, until I got distracted by this Madonna song.

There's wine on your motherboard.

If it's not moist, I'm not interested in having it thrown on my desk.

My fancy tea smells like hay.

Have you heard about the whaler-pirate guy?

It's too Skittly.

It's too sausagy.

It's too Skynrdy.

It wasn't like that a minute ago.

It was working a minute ago.

It doesn't work in Safari.

It doesn't work in IE.

It works!

It's broken.

No amount of money is worth your husband having a mustache.

Try not to make it too caskety.

I swtiched to the California Raisins pillowcase last night.

You just have to hope for the best until it doesn't happen.

I don't like wearing pants.

If you had a hot dog roller and went shopping for sausages, things might change.

This grist mill shall become my pommel horse and daily labor my reward.

Any superhero with soft abs is pretty much amazing.

I'm gonna make websites out of wood.

400 pounds plus adrenaline, and I could flip a car, easy.

Teresa, you haven't given me an answer, you've only given me s*!%.

I can still smell Steve.

Fancy code is the only kind I write.

This is too helpful.

I don't want this bacon on here any more.

I've never had much luck with rabbits.

I had a pencil sharpener shaped like a boat.

What don't you think should be converted into a fish tank?

I got this whole thing of Silly Putty stuck on my sleeve.

Steve, let's go somewhere, just you and me.

Jeff's magic. He's practically a leprechaun.

I don't recall there being an h in leprechaun.

It's dark and gloomy with zombies, but I think I'll keep my sunglasses on.

It's a pickle wearing a cape; I think it's self-explanatory.

I don't feel creative now or ever.

Sassy Cap'n McBeef O'Brady

There is no reason for Bob Evans.

Salad's nasty.

I think I'm gonna have to set something on fire.

I'm bringing iFrames back.

Beige is not a color.

Beige is not an image.

I said something about sausage, but I don't remember what it was.

This sushi is quite delicious. If you like the taste of death.

You can't out-do the fish with sneakers.

Mr. I'm-Never-Wrong!

I wish I could draw RoboCop.

I want the whole tomato.

It's like, the future.

It's like, the Jedi.

It's a torsional thing.

Entertainment Tonight is where dreams go to die.

Internet Explorer is ruining this.

I'd try human. (on the topic of cannibalism)

(with sadness) I hate Internet Explorer.

Oh sorry. I'll just rewrite the Web.